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Do you believe these 7 lies about you as a mom?

June 19, 2013 by admin  
Filed under Peaceful Parenting

As a mom, have you ever noticed where you make yourself wrong so you can fit into someone else’s idea of what you should do be or have? Have you ever felt guilty because you decided to take on the responsibility of supermom and things didn’t always turn out like you planned and now some things just MUST BE your fault because you are the mom?

How many amazing women carry the burden of who they think they need to be and then make themselves wrong unconsciously when they can’t fit into the mental construct that they have built for themselves? What if you could just be? What if you could be free to choose what makes you feel free? What if you could choose from your inner knowing not from what you have been told, taught and feared for as long as you can remember?

Here are 7 lies that moms tell themselves and how to break free from them:

1. If I don’t model perfect manners and perfect behavior my kids will be slobs and brats. If I am not on them all the time they will be ruined and I will be a failure.

2. I HAVE to get everything done on my list or everything will fall apart.

3. I need to come up with all the ideas. I need to make things FUN for everyone.

4. My home HAS to be cleaned regularly - I need to keep on top of this or else there is just chaos. I have to apologize to friends and family that come over when the house is messy.

5. If my child makes a “bad” choice - I know in my heart it is somehow my fault.

6. It has to be all about the kids.

7. Every meal I make has to be good, has to be on time, has to be eaten and has to be tasty for everyone.

Here are some questions to ask around this so you can break free from the chains of what “SHOULD” be done. “Perfect Mom” is a fantasy. Your child doesn’t want perfect he wants your love, your connection - this is better than perfect.

1. You can model what is real and what you would like to see in the world. Perfect manners all the time and perfect behavior is not even human - so why set yourself up to fail? Setting yourself up to succeed means loving yourself enough to allow and forgive mistakes just like you forgive your child’s mistakes. Setting yourself up to succeed is asking the question daily - “What contribution of love and lightness can I be today that will inspire my child?”

2. Really? Is your list of what you need to do more valuable that who you want and need to be in the moment? Is your list unreasonably long? If so, ask “What is possible today to have the support I need from everyone including the whole universe to get everything done with ease, joy and grace?” Then notice what shows up without planning how that is going to happen. What if you could allow yourself to make shorter lists and allow more support to show up for you. What if you could have a family meeting and have fun with choosing how everyone contributes?

3. How fun are you when you are stressed? What if you simply chose to allow the fun to show up as a result of you being present and relaxed in the moment. What if you allowed your child the space of leading the fun and remember your sense of awe, wonder and the magic of life. There is no magic when you are always in your head, making you wrong, consciously or unconsciously.

4. What if you picked a room at a time to clean so you could have more time for you. Your child will cherish the time he spent with you much more than now clean the house was. Someone else’s point of view of how clean a house should be is just their point of view. Allow them to have their point of view without making it mean anything. The meaning anyone attaches to your clean house is completely irrelevant to the precious time you have with your child. Sure clean - so you don’t have a cyclone to deal with but engage the kids, ask for help and know when to stop and say this is what it is and if you don’t like it - ok, cool - interesting that you think my house should be neat right now, and let it wash over you. How many times have you apologized and made yourself small to fit into someone else’s idea of what something should be? Let it go and just “be” when you choose to be

5. You are not in control of your child’s choices, you are in control of your own choices and how you can inspire yur child to make empowered choices. Your child’s destiny belongs to him not you.

6. So if it is all about the kids how do you teach a child to honor herself? How do you teach her to honor and love herself enough to choose her needs as well? How do you teach her the gift of contribution, if you are always the one who contributes?

7. That is so funny. Unless you are a magical gourmet chef with psychic powers who knows what everyone feels like eating that day this one is just ridiculous if you really think about it. Why do you put yourself down because someone just chooses that they don’t feel like eating what you made that day? What if it were just a choice they are making and you are making it mean something else? Could you let that go?

Moms, honor you. Look at you from this point of view for a moment and see if you could choose something else:

You have loved and cared for others, shared your gentle wisdom, listened with patience and loved even when it was not required.

You heal broken hearts, champion the child who does not know she has a powerful voice and you keep on keeping on no matter what. You embrace the unknown and you face it with all that you’ve got, never letting it take away the hope in your soul.

You matter. You are more powerful than you know. You are the mother of all humanity and you are not required to be perfect, you are required to shine your light in the unique and special way that only you can.

Beloved you are, unique you are, cherished you are. Look at the miracle you are in the light of your child’s smile and the love in her eyes.

Melinda Asztalos is a parent coach, speaker, author and the founder of Life Positive by Design. She assists parents through a conscious parenting process that enables them to achieve and sustain, positive solutions to their specific parenting challenges. For more information, Please visit: http://lifepositivebydesign.com

Julian Kalmar and Rick Beneteau want to know if you've got what it takes to step up and be a leader in the new world transformation. CLICK HERE to find out.

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