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5 Winning Strategies That Don’t Include Yelling or Nagging

August 14, 2013 by admin  
Filed under Peaceful Parenting

We all know that we can’t parent the way we want to when we are in a bad place emotionally. Even the best and most effective strategies only work when you can bring yourself to the energy and mindset that is going to support you to succeed.

If YOU are on the verge of a meltdown, the biggest priority is to take care of you first so you can address what is going on with your child in a way that is not going to create an emotional mess that you and your child will have to clean up.

We want to minimize the emotional messes so you can enjoy life and feel good about your parenting. I know that you want to give your child the best you have not the leftovers of a bad day that just create the guilt that hurts you in so many ways.

First get yourself to a calm state and reconnect to the best of you. Take 3 deep breaths - do not underestimate the power of this. Now please ask yourself: “Truth, what is possible for me to connect to the calm, assertive leader in me?”

Close your eyes for 15 seconds and see in your minds eye, one of the following words: Harmony, calm or peace. Your mind will try to fight you but just hold your position. If you can catch yourself before you can feel the torrent of emotion coming on, you will be able to transform your state and come from a place of calm.

You will be able to successfully shift yourself from dipping into the fight/flight centre of your brain and remain in the prefrontal cortex where you can actually think clearly and creatively. The more you practice this, the faster it will become an automatic way of being.

Here are 5 winning strategies that will get everyone in a different playing field so you don’t have to keep repeating yourself, yelling or nagging.

1) Lighten your “scheduling” load. Do the very best you can to ease up on your schedule and your child’s schedule. So often, parents convince themselves: ” But I have to…..”

Ask yourself - “Do I really need to do this now?” “Does my child really need to do this now?” Is this absolutely necessary?

Address the things that matter to you most and resist the urge to resist lightening your load. Make your relationship with your partner and your kids #1 and drop what is not vital. For example,: If your child doesn’t have swimming lessons this season, what is possible for lessons later on in the year? What is possible to delegate more? What is possible to create dinners that are super fast and healthy, that take you out of the box of - “I can’t do that.”

2) Re-connect with love and play. When my daughter is angry and upset - instead of trying to drag answers out of her or lecture and nag her, I use play to re-connect, get back on track and redirect focus on solving the problem from a space of love.

Ease into the play: “Ok so you are not going to use words - I wonder if the fairies can translate - I’ll try really hard to see if I can get them to figure out what is going on - how about 1finger means yes, 2 fingers means no, 3 fingers means maybe?”

I then proceed to ask silly questions that make her laugh and take her out of being stuck in her anger. Before you know it I am tickling her as we have now added a bunch more fingers to the “language code” we’ve just created. In this new mindset we can solve the problem without nagging or struggling.

3) Don’t be perfect, be aware. If you find you have an underlying point of view that things HAVE to be a certain way, recognize how much stress this adds to your life and your child’s life. Perfectionism is a habit that we defend to keep unconscious limiting beliefs in place.

It is hard for love to grow in the grip of “perfect”. It is hard to function from ease with “perfect” always in the background. Nurture YOU and every time you feel the urge towards perfectionism bring awareness into the picture with questions like: ” What could I choose now that would allow me to expand and find a new way around this that is light and easy for me and my child?” “What do I need to know about this that I am not getting in this moment?”

4) Be clear about being on the same side. Re-affirm to your child that you are not in battle with him. Instead, you are here to collaborate a win-win. Bring needs and intentions out in the open and be clear. ” Ok, let’s make this work for both of us. I can hear that you want…..and I want……..so what can we do right now that makes both of us happy? What can we do now to make this work? I have some ideas and I would love to hear your ideas. What is possible to get these ideas to work for us?

5) Give your child a safe place to cry. Sometimes, a child is in that place where the tears are just on the edge and anger is holding them back. When you can use compassion to move your child into a more vulnerable emotion, you will find the trigger that is behind the “bad” behavior and you will be able to deal with the driving force behind the issue.

Remember that your child is still learning how to manage big feelings. Compassion is a lot easier when you honor you by connecting to your awareness. That can be as simple as going outside and bring your attention to the sky and the clouds or speed walk in the park.

Don’t let a day go by where you lose your connection to your inner guidance and to the things that really matter to you. In this way you will always find your way back to creating possibilities and moments that leave you feeling empowered.

Melinda Asztalos is a parent coach, speaker, author and the founder of Life Positive by Design. She assists parents through a conscious parenting process that enables them to achieve and sustain, positive solutions to their specific parenting challenges. For more information, Please visit: http://lifepositivebydesign.com

Julian Kalmar and Rick Beneteau want to know if you've got what it takes to step up and be a leader in the new world transformation. CLICK HERE to find out.

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