We are the role models for the next generation and those we mentor are watching us - closely! This short inspirational video will serve as a reminder that our children are looking to us for the answers to how they will lead future generations.
What happens when your child has an emotion that is really big and you start to feel overwhelmed by it?
First of all, there is nothing wrong with you or your child. So let’s get that clear:) Your child is having an emotion that he needs help with. As you have heard me say many times before - the need that is behind the behavior is the force that is fueling the upset and your child has no way of managing that force.
So why would a parent who knows that, continue to get overwhelmed? Quite simply, maybe you grew up in a home where it was not ok to have these unregulated emotions and your parents could not or would not tolerate them. Perhaps they made you wrong (unconsciously ) because of it. Read more
A really great way to help your child through intense feeings is with a trusty pen and paper! I would like to invite you to make use of pen and paper to help your child feel understood, release tough emotions and practice self-regulation.
Example with a child aged 2-4:
Child: “I forgot teddy at home, I want teddy.” ( child is clearly very upset)
Parent: ( gets a peice of paper and pen ) “Let’s write a letter to teddy and tell him how you feel right now and what you wish. Maybe you would like to tell him how much you miss him.”
Child: ( stops crying and thinks about what he wants to say) dictates: ” Dear Teddy, I miss you and I wish you were here. You are my favorite teddy.” Read more
As adults we are way ahead of children who are just learning about how this world functions. If your child lies once in a while or on a regular basis, here are some tools to help
When your child lies, notice your reaction. Are you reacting the way your parents did? Are you instantly triggered by the lie and have a hard time seeing what is really causing it?
Please take a breath and step out of your reaction the next time it happens and notice what is triggering you so deeply. Recognize that your child is not lying to purposely betray you for the sake of betraying you.
Know that you have the ability to guide your child to effective communication and greater self awareness when you get what is happening. Almost always, children lie to please us. Your reaction matters more than the lie - your reaction is what will guide your child. Punishment and threats don’t teach moral intelligence, they just create resentment and “sneaky” behavior. Read more
We all know that we can’t parent the way we want to when we are in a bad place emotionally. Even the best and most effective strategies only work when you can bring yourself to the energy and mindset that is going to support you to succeed.
If YOU are on the verge of a meltdown, the biggest priority is to take care of you first so you can address what is going on with your child in a way that is not going to create an emotional mess that you and your child will have to clean up.
We want to minimize the emotional messes so you can enjoy life and feel good about your parenting. I know that you want to give your child the best you have not the leftovers of a bad day that just create the guilt that hurts you in so many ways. Read more
As a mom, have you ever noticed where you make yourself wrong so you can fit into someone else’s idea of what you should do be or have? Have you ever felt guilty because you decided to take on the responsibility of supermom and things didn’t always turn out like you planned and now some things just MUST BE your fault because you are the mom?
How many amazing women carry the burden of who they think they need to be and then make themselves wrong unconsciously when they can’t fit into the mental construct that they have built for themselves? What if you could just be? What if you could be free to choose what makes you feel free? What if you could choose from your inner knowing not from what you have been told, taught and feared for as long as you can remember?
Here are 7 lies that moms tell themselves and how to break free from them: Read more
Feeling like we belong to a “group” is something all human beings need in life, in one form or another. Feeling like a social outcast has powerfully negative outcomes and, believe it or not many are terrified of being socially rejected both consciously and unconsciously.
No one wants to be picked last or be the unpopular kid. Life can be very cruel to outcasts. Our desires and expectations for our children to have friends or how they should make friends can be colored by our own fears, feelings and needs around this issue. One of the best ways to understand your core beliefs around friendships is to really pay attention to how you react to the situations that your child experiences in life as he learns all about friendship.
It is important to realize that your child DOES NOT NEED to be friends with everyone just like you are not friends with everyone that you interact with. Forcing friendships leads to stress and often disaster. Children are required to learn the complex structure of friendships and sometimes it will be awesome and other times it will be heartbreaking. Read more
As parents we all want to raise our children to be responsible. The bottom line is that this does not happen without some sort of “game plan”. Please consider this, when we try to force and exert power, we are not guiding a child to WANT to be responsible. This is key. Forcing causes resistence and resentment. Eventually, a child will comply so he does not get into trouble with you but he will not learn why it is important to care about being responsible and he may not grow to WANT to become responsible. How many adults have you come across in your lifetime that resent or reject responsibility?
Children will not get out of control without punishment, they get out of control when they don’t have appropriate guidance. There is a difference. With guidance you show and you embody what you are teaching. Can you bring attention to the ways and the reasons that you are responsible and communicate this to your child in a way that does not sound like lecturing? There are golden opportunities everywhere. How do you feel about responsibilty? What energy do you carry around that? Read more
It’s that time of the year when our hearts seem to connect to and long for the idea of peace more than ever. Ironically, it is also a time when we are so busy that we sometimes forget to breathe.
I know exactly how hard it is to take a few minutes; there is always something more important to do. We are so busy “doing” that we forget to nurture ourselves. We often fall prey to reactive behavior with our kids because we are frazzled and tired.
Putting things into perspective requires that you connect to your inner source of peace and centre your “doing” around that. No one, who is lying on their death bed ever thinks, ” I should have cleaned my house more”, or “I should have spent more time at the office”. We don’t need to wait until we run out of time in order to turn inward to our inner voice and listen to what our hearts are trying to tell us in any given situation. Read more
Your relationship with your partner is the central hub from which your child’s experience of family flows. When you relationship is solid and there is communication, deep love, respect, openness co-operation and playfulness between you and your partner, even if your parenting skills are lacking your kids will be just fine. If you have the perfect parenting techniques down pact but your relationship with your partner is strained, inauthentic, non- communicative, judgmental, tempermental and where love is conditional, you will find that your children will not benefit as hoped from your skills and techniques. Why is that? Becasue this is a feeling universe and your children are feeling what is going on and are deeply affected by it. Words take a back seat here. Tools and techniques are overshadowed by the “theme” of your partnership. What kind of environment would it take for your child to thrive in? Environment includes energy. Your relationship is the foundation upon which your children stand - is it made of concrete or sand?
Here are some steps you can take to move out of conflict and into resolution: Read more